October has been a CRAZY month. I have been wanting to write another blog post but life has been so busy and here it is almost November. I have so many things I want to blog about and I feel like ideas are pouring out of my brain. To speed up to where I am today I will just start blogging from the beginning of my whirlwind year. Let’s go back to July 6, 2015.
I had just moved to Kansas City after an amazing year in Chicago nannying for the best family on the planet. There are four people that I try to model my parenting style from and they are my mom, sister, mother-in-law, and Brooke. Brooke is the best combination of conventional and crunchy. She encouraged me to pursue my dreams and trusted me with her babies. I was really sad to leave and come back to Missouri but I moved back to be closer to my then fiance. He was living in Kansas City so I made my way there and found a job at a great company to begin my career.
I was to begin my new job on July 6, 2015. I had never worked in a corporate environment and I was scared to death. The person I was taking over for was in training and I was told I would be trained by my co-worker, Eric. Around the same time, Blake and I had moved into an apartment and I was doing what I thought I was supposed to do (move to KC, start a career, etc…). We had gotten engaged in March because we had been together since I was a sophomore in high school and it just made sense (or so I thought) to take the next step.
We had a rocky relationship with his family to say the least and I was not thrilled to plan our wedding. Actually, I was the extreme opposite of thrilled. I was dreading the thought of planning an awkward wedding where our families wouldn’t talk and it gave me so much anxiety. On top of that, we had really become more of roommates and I knew something had to change.
It was a hot summer night and we were meeting Amber and Scott for dinner. Amber has been one of my best friends since eighth grade and she means the world to me. She and Scott got married a few years ago and I am over the moon happy for their little family. Anyway, we were meeting in Power and Light to get dinner and drinks and we heard there was a $10 concert to see Sugar Ray. HELLO?!?! Who wouldn’t go see Sugar Ray for $10? I thought it was a no brainer. As we were about to walk in Blake grabbed me and expressed how much he didn’t want to go in and wanted to go back to the apartment. Amber and Scott wanted to go and I thought it would be so fun. I finally talked Blake into going and here is the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Amber, Scott, and I were having an absolute blast. My apartment was walking distance from PNL and I knew I could get trashed and enjoy early 2000’s bands all night. I was ready to shut the place down and I wanted nothing more than someone to enjoy the evening with me. I looked at Amber and Scott and I was jealous. It was easy to see the love radiating from them. From the way he touched her back and danced with her to the way they sang the songs in unison. They were truly enjoying each other and the concert. Blake just stood there with his arms crossed and looked like I had dragged him by his toenails to the concert. I knew in that moment that we weren’t meant to be. It slapped me in the face and I was scared. to. death.
I had two options:
- Break off the engagement and call off the wedding OR
- Carry on with the engagement and fake the happiness
Honestly, #2 was the easier choice and for the next week I was sick to my stomach knowing I would have to make a decision. Did I take the easy way out or did I pursue my own happiness? That next Saturday we woke up and had the conversation I had been dreading all week. We laughed and cried and talked for several hours before we decided to part ways. To this day, I truly wish Blake happiness and I know he will make the right girl so happy. I was just simply not “the one”.
I’m here to tell you that it was by no means an easy decision and it was so scary but it was the best decision of my life. You absolutely cannot worry what people will think. Trust me! Take a deep breath and after what makes you happy. You have ONE life to live and you are in control of your own happiness. Would I have been happy if I had married Blake? Sure. I can say that we would have been fine but deep down I would have wondered what else was out there and our marriage would have ended in divorce.
Now that you know why I moved to KC, let’s go back to July 6th. God has such a funny way of placing you where you need to be in life. Timing is everything because July 6th was not only my first day at the new job where I met Eric but it is Eric’s birthday. 🙂
Wait it gets weirder, we were born in the SAME hospital by the SAME doctor almost exactly a year apart. Also, when I was a freshman at Mizzou a lot of my friends hung out with Eric’s friends but we never crossed paths. It’s a good thing because I would have never dated college Eric. 😉 It still blows my mind that we had so many opportunities to cross paths but it wasn’t until his birthday that he received the best birthday present ever. God’s timing is everything.
If you take one thing from this blog I want it to be that if you are unhappy, change something. Make a choice to be happy and you will radiate positivity. I know I said it before but, you only have one life to live. Never would I have imagined that I would be married and have a beautiful baby girl at the age of 25 but I am the happiest I have ever been. Eric is my rock. We love hard and we fight hard and I am so happy God lead me to him. A lot of people commend us on how well we embrace change. I hear ALL the time that I have had so many huge life events happen in the last twelve months. I think change is a beautiful thing and you have to learn to embrace it. Never get too comfortable that you think you have to settle. If you settle, you’ll never reach your true potential to be completely happy. It’s out there, go get it!
P.S. The featured photo of the blog is the first photo we took together. Little did we know the year we were about to have!